Creatively Healing

"How art helps us heal."

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I love nature, writing poetry, journaling, drawing, painting, and creating mixed media art. I use all types of art in my healing processes from PTSD, Treatment Resistant Depression, Anxiety, Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating, and other mental & multiple physical health conditions. I’m honored to be here!

  • Mistakes & Grace

    It’s so great to be back! I had surgery three weeks ago, am still healing, but doing well! All of my biopsies came back negative for cancer, Praise God!

    I have been struggling with several things lately. My depression has been so deep & dark. It’s been hard to make myself do the basics, but writing about it shines a light into that darkness & ignites hope.

    I’ve really been struggling with making healthy decisions the past couple of weeks and have used poor judgment more than once. I don’t like to make mistakes and beat myself up every time I do.

    Having been in Eating Disorder Recovery for a pretty long time, lapses & relapses weigh heavily upon me. I have a lot of stress going on in my life and there are so many things that are outside of my control. It’s not crazy in times like these to turn to an old coping mechanism, albeit an unhealthy one, to try to find some semblance of control…my Eating Disorder.

    Yesterday, I really messed up & had some potentially dangerous physical & mental consequences. It, by no means, was intentional, but rather a huge mistake on my part. I immediately contacted my Therapist and told her what happened & what was happening. I followed all of her recommendations, contracted with her, and rested the rest of the day to take care of myself.

    I was very verbally & mentally unkind to myself for making such a huge mistake. My best friend reminded me to speak kinder to myself & gave me some lovely self-care exercises to do to show love & forgiveness towards myself. I needed to do everything and I did! And, it made me feel more loving & accepting of my humanness & mistake(s).

    I’ve been working on the subject of “Grace” for a while now. What is grace? For me, grace has always been something that I have excelled at giving to others, but have struggled & often refused to extend to myself. I found a lovely definition of Grace on Pintrest (Author Unknown). I loved it so much, I even printed it out & framed it! “Grace [noun]: The gentle reminder that you can be human and still worthy of every good thing.” This means we can be less than our attempts to be perfect and that we can make mistakes & still be worthy of good things! How awesome is that?

    So, after yesterday, I am working hard to get back on track & extend grace to myself. No one is perfect, we all mess up. I’ll be the first to admit that I am not perfect & mess up quite often. Thankfully, God’s grace is always there for us and we deserve others & our own grace.

    I hope today’s blog reminds you to be kind to yourself, be gentle with your mind, and extend grace to yourself whenever you need to! Thanks for visiting! I look forward to seeing you again soon! Take good care! See ya!

  • Self-Compassion

    This has been a very challenging week for me & I have found myself stuck in a cycle of self-blame.  I lost my Dad 8 years ago on January 15th.  Something I haven’t shared until recently is that I blame myself for his death.  Logically, I realize this is not true, but on a heart level, I believe that it is.

    You see, my Dad was terminally ill & I cared for him 24/7/365.  He had a Left Ventricular Assist Device (LVAD) implanted 10 months prior, which turned out to be a nightmare.  His LVAD ran on either 2 batteries or his  home charging station (electricity).  I could write a short book about all of the complications that he suffered while in 2 separate surgeries on his implant day, as well as when he came home.  For now, I will leave it at this.

    I gave him the best critical care possible.  Thankfully, I was a nurse, as his insurances only paid for a certain number of home care visits after every hospitalization.  Respite wasn’t covered.  He was on 3 different types of insulin; multiple medications, including blood thinners; required sterile dressing changes where his LVAD line came out of his abdomen; required a bunch of other care; as well as cooking, cleaning, taking him to multiple doctor appointments, and more.

    He slept very little.  Had developed dementia after he suffered a stroke during his LVAD Implant surgery.  He was a handful, to say the least.  But, I loved him & did more than one human should try to do.  We had recently enrolled him in Hospice home care & we learned that they had a 5 day respite care benefit. 

    When I decided to send him to Inpatient Hospice care, I was so far beyond mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.  For 8 years now, I have regretted that choice.  They gave him the very minimum of care; discontinued his insulin and some other meds; sent him home to me with his urinary cather completely kinked off (for who knows how long); he was running a 103° fever, was confused, and dying right before my eyes.   

    I cried & apologized to my Dad for sending him to Inpatient care when he got home & I got him stabilized.  He told me not to worry.  But, for those of you who know me, I worry about every small detail of everything!  My Dad died less than 48 hours after coming home from Inpatient care.

    Only God knows the answer to all of my, “What-if” & “Why” questions.  He also knew the day He would take my Dad.  However, I can’t help but feel indirectly responsible for my Dad’s death.  This weekend, I have thought so much about what led up to not just needing, but having to have some respite.  Self-compassion has been something that I am not particularly skilled at.  However, today, I am trying to extend grace to myself and show compassion for myself.  I’m even calling today, “Self-care Sunday,” which I have been doing great at self-caring.

    As so many of you know, being compassionate for others is easy.  Being compassionate for ourselves is hard.  So, I’d like to challenge you to do at least 3 kind things for yourself over the next 3 days.  And, allow yourself to be human.  We all deserve our own compassion, especially during challenging times, times of grief & sorrow, and at times when we feel we do not deserve it!

    I finished this drawing yesterday.  I am posting the original drawing that I got from Pintrest (Artist Unknown), as well as My rendering.  Thanks for stopping by!  See ya next time!

  • I’ve Come So Far?

    So why can’t I believe that I’ve come so far?

    I’ve had to tend to many deep wounds & many ugly scars.

    I just can’t believe I’m in the place where I’m at.

    I have wins & losses; feel hopeful, then “splat.”

    Trauma work continues, it scares me to try.

    I know I need to move forward and stop asking, “why?”

    It just doesn’t seem real, that I’ve stood my ground;

    Against so many dark forces, that do not want me around.

    I stumble, I fall, I rise once again,

    Until my footing, I’m able to regain.

    I’ve come from a place where, “Poor” was my prognosis,

    I fought & fought hard against their deathly diagnosis.

    It took a lot of hard work & a lot of help from my team,

    But, I stuck with the program & started healing, it would seem.

    None of this was easy, some of it was terribly painful,

    Healing was the objective & healing was gainful.

    I have so much in my past that still needs healed,

    ED wants me to give up & Depression’s darkness has been sealed.

    Fighting these two enemies takes a lot of might,

    But, I know I have to keep trying & stay in the fight.

    I have the best team helping me fight & to heal,

    But, seeing how far I’ve come, just doesn’t seem real.

    I struggle to give myself credit, where credit is due,

    It’s very hard to pat myself on the back, too.

    Sometimes I see how far I’ve come in recovery’s way,

    It’s just hard to see it on the really tough days.

    So, I guess I can believe that I’ve progressed ahead,

    Healing with each step taken & every positive word said.

    –Pam Burton (©️ 1/9/2026)

    Photo by erdinu00e7 ersoy on Pexels.com
    Photo by Sebastian Palomino on Pexels.com

  • Colleges I Have Attended

    Kettering College of Medical Arts

    Sinclair Community College

    Wright State University

  • Change

    New Year’s always brings up the thoughts of resolutions and how to change old, not-so-healthy habits. For me, it brings it FEAR of CHANGE, as I do not adapt well to change. However, this year is different.

    I’m setting goals that lead to change of thoughts & actions. Being back in Therapy for 5 months, I just finished an extremely tough Trauma Therapy and learned how to challenge & change my distorted thoughts. This has helped my healing process significantly. Change has become a good thing in so many ways for me.

    I read the other day that there are two meanings of FEAR: 1) Forget Everything And Run; and 2) Face Everything And Rise (Motivational Concept, Author Unknown). Oh, how I used to Forget Everything And Run. But, I got nowhere I wanted to be. Lately, I have Faced my fears and have Risen to the challenges behind those fears. Most often behind those fears is the need to change.

    I do not want to change who I am as the person God created me to be (caring, loving, big-hearted, etc.), but rather change: how I take care of myself; how I face challenges; what I give my attention to & what I choose not to; how I spend my limited energy; how I talk to myself; how I treat myself when I make a mistake; giving myself more grace; and others.

    Change can be scary, even good change. However, we must dig deep within ourselves, find our strength & resilience, face our fears, and challenge ourselves to do what we need to do to meet our goals. We all have what it takes. Don’t listen to judgmental voices from the past, listen to the beating of your heart in the present. Put your hand over your heart & feel it beating. We aren’t our past, we are our present & future. We’ve got this! So, let’s work on those changes we need to work on & and rise!

    Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

  • Happy 2026

    Welcome, 2026. I pray that you are much gentler, kinder, more gracious, healthy, and hopeful than last year. I pray for all who read this as well. Bless each one, Dear Lord, with health, love, hope, and happiness, I pray.

    This year, for me, it is about setting small, reachable goals instead of resolutions. My main goal this year is to take better care of my mental health & well-being. My greatest intention for 2026 is to offer myself more grace. We all need to practice this intention. It’s so easy to give grace to others, but so hard to extend it to ourselves. That takes a lot of conscious effort & hard work. Both of which is totally worth it!

    May 2026 be everything you wish it to be. Remember that you are never alone & that the world is a much more beautiful place with you in it! I hope to see you again soon! Take good care!

    Most Sincerely,

    Pam ❤️

  • In Vain

    I don’t want to feel,
    I’m never gonna heal.
    Life’s too much for me,
    Hopelessness is all I see.

    Every time I try,
    Things just go awry.
    I’ve tried harder than ever before,
    Yet, I always land at hell’s open door.

    It’s not that I want to die,
    I just need life to be more than a constant cry.
    I know God has more for me to do,
    I just can’t find the right way to see it through.

    I fail everywhere I turn,
    Then cry until my eyes burn.
    I want to do more & thrive,
    But the truth is, I fight just to stay alive.

    I may be cursed, but I know I’m blessed.
    I work hard every day and still fail life’s test.
    I’m exhausted & broken & overwhelmed with grief.
    The enemy consumes me; I know he’s a thief.

    I feel I’m being punished for sins, not my own.
    The harshness of their penalties are painfully shown.
    I pray & I pray, asking God to help;
    Then, not long after, another lashing, another welt.

    I’m only human, a mere mortal left to suffer.
    Dear God, where are You? Why aren’t You my buffer?
    My heart is hurting, my spirit is broken;
    I guess all I am is a pawn in this twisted game of life… a mere tarnished token.

    I ask for so little & get even less.
    I ask for forgiveness, my sins, I confess.
    I just want to feel supported; that my life has not been in vain.
    A regular morsel of hope so I can try to remain.

    I don’t want to be traumatized nor live in fear.
    I don’t want the constant high-pitched screeching in both of my ears.
    I don’t want to constantly worry about how I’m going to pay my bills;
    This only serves to cause more stress that leads to even more physical ills.

    I don’t want the constant nerve pain due to brutal tooth extractions,
    The pain is too much to bear, then add in pangs of contractions.
    I still can’t wear a denture & am totally distraught.
    All I have done this year has been in vain, NO MATTER HOW HARD I HAVE FOUGHT!!!

    I’m forced to keep secrets that aren’t even mine.
    The weight of them are drowning me, I will NEVER again be, “fine.”
    With this comes isolation, more severe than I’ve ever known.
    I’m wilting & withering inside, where I’d worked so hard & had grown.

    My Psoriasis brands me and leaves me ashamed & in pain.
    My Psoriatic Arthritis leaves me in a painful prison’s chains.
    My bowel & bladder diseases make it impossible to go out & have fun.
    I’m trapped in a body being held hostage with each disease’s gun.

    Treatment Resistant Depression is a torturous hell.
    There is no escape from this Super Maximum Security Jail.
    My Anxiety is overwhelming; it keeps me from sleeping;
    No matter what I do to try to ease it, it is always seeping.

    My PTSD has consumed me due to the horrific events I’ve experienced this year;
    One trauma after another, I’m surrounded by fear.
    I’ve picked my skin so much that I could make several more coverings.
    And, other self-harm ways have closely been hovering.

    I hate my fat body & have even stopped eating;
    I destroyed my metabolism, so weight loss is fleeting.
    I’ve purged, I’ve starved, and I’ve binged until I was sick;
    Unable to exercise or afford weight-loss shots; looks like I will always be “thick.”

    Doctors have destroyed me & they don’t give a damn.
    I’m judged by my weight & and appearance, I always am.
    My trust has been broken, my faith has been sunk.
    My health is worse than ever, my mind’s even more full of junk.

    This year has destroyed me; how could it not?
    Filled with trauma, pain & isolation, unsurvivably fraught.
    I’ve fought, kicked & screamed at the enemy , and even God, too.
    I now lay down my damaged armor & sword, that’s all that I have the energy left to do.

    I pray God is listening & beg him to hear,
    I need His mercy, grace & hope to drive away my enemy’s fear.
    I need rest, peace & love to show me that I am deserving;
    Then maybe, just maybe, deep down inside, I can find the most miniscule amount of strength I didn’t know I was reserving.

    –Pam Burton (©️ Pam Burton 2024)
    10/10/2024

  • Today is a great day! My intention for the day is to: ju…

    Today is a great day! My intention for the day is to: just be!

  • Drowning

    Darkness surrounds me,

    Hope subsides.

    I buckle in tightly,

    For one of Hopelessness’s rides.

    I was doing so well,

    I was making great strides.

    Then I’m suddenly in the undertow,

    Of a giant riptide.

    I’m drowning in depression,

    I’m grieving and sad,

    I’m swimming through trauma,

    This place I’m in is bad.

    I do not understand,

    How I got pulled back in.

    I was so excited,

    And celebrating my wins.

    It’s scary to think,

    Just how easy it is to fall back.

    There must be something inherently wrong with me,

    Something I lack.

    I hate feeling like this,

    I hate hating my life.

    I hate fighting my true self,

    I hate constant pain and strife.

    This grief is an ocean,

    It roars and consumes me.

    I’m trying to get out,

    But through the murky waters, I can’t see.

    Will I be able to pull myself out,

    Of this dangerous place?

    Will life be brighter,

    And easier to face?

    I want to believe,

    That there is more than this pain,

    And there’s more recovery & happiness,

    For me to gain.

    I can’t give up now,

    I’ve come too far.

    I’ve got to keep trying,

    To catch that one shooting star.

    I know it’s not easy,

    I know it takes working hard.

    I have to take it inch by inch,

    Not take it yard by yard.

    Depression can’t win,

    Neither can ED.

    I’ve got to keep fighting,

    Until, “I won,” is said!

    –Pam Burton ©️ 2025

    12/27/2025

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